i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
