this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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