I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
