But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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