I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My cat gives me a boner
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
