Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
