Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
