there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
