Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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