Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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