Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you had me at cake vodka
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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