forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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