that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
