i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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