Ambien. No doubt about it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
