Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places