It was confusing and full of hummus
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.