my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment