Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast