got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?