That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.