Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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