My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
