this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
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