Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
