I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
