as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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