I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
