My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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