this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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