Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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