how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
