The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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