Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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