9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
