can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
