Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
