The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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