just come out here and I will go home with you...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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