wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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