Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
