I met the friendliest cop last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize