he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
