What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
