I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
