ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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