got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
