how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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