i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
