I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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