Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
