Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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