So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
