dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
