The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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