Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.