so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED