You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
