Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
