but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
