Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
