dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
