apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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