Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
